The Bluffer's Guide to Relationships
By Mark Mason
 
Extracts from the book

 
Oil is not lost
The correct attitude to take when discussing Kerckhoff and Davis' filter theory is one of amused cynicism. You can point out that it has completely missed some of the most important filters in an average relationship. For example the oil filter on the car. When a man forgets to change that, his relationship really is in trouble.
 
Amore is is more than it seems
Some psychologists think that 'love' is essentially the same as 'like'. In other words, that loving may be an extreme version of liking, but that its core qualities are the same. Others, however, think that it is qualitatively different. (A good word for the bluffer, that 'qualitatively'. It helps to lend a real air of expertise. Try and drop it casually into the conversation at dinner parties. But make sure you do so before the brandy, otherwise youÍve got no chance.)
 
Line dancing
Warn others not to wait too long before choosing or they could fall into the 'conveyor belt' trap. This is the formula that assumes that of the people who come into your life randomly from the age of 16 to 60, you will want to pick the best item off the conveyor belt. But, as in a sushi bar, the longer you wait the more likely it is that the tastiest item will have gone by.
 
Truly, deeply, madly
So when it comes to deepening and strengthening a relationship, a woman will engage in such activities as making the home comfortable, preparing her partner's favourite meal, telling him on a repeated basis how much she loves him. A man will bleed the radiators.
 
Dear John
The thinking behind silent dating is that it challenges your ideas about self-expression.... If you want to appear satirical, offer the thought that in getting partners to communicate only in writing, silent dating starts a relationship in exactly the way many of them end.
 
Reviews

 
The Bluffer's Guides take a light-hearted look at the subject, yet there is a good deal of useful information.
The Sunday Independent
 
An entertaining, instructive introduction to the subject.
Edinburgh Evening News
 
Table of Contents
Introduction

Statistics about Relationships

The Life Cycle of a Relationship
Kerckhoff and Davis' Filter Theory
Thibaut and Kelly's Four-stage Model
Homans' Principle of Satiation
Murstein's Stimulus-Value-Role Theory
Sprecher's Self Disclosure

Maintaining a Relationship
Dindia and Baxter
Brown and Harris
Buunk and Hupka
Yip

Theories of Love
Freud
Maslow
Lee
Limerance
Hendrick and Hendrick
Byrne's Formula for Love
Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love
Companionate and Passionate Love

Theories about Relationships
The Cave
Men Solve, Women Wallow
Men Are Literal, Women Are Emotional
Men Are Mono, Women Are Multi
Men Map, Women Picture
Men Are Strong, Women Are Loving

Freud on Relationships

Problems in Studying Relationships
Huston and Levinger
Berscheid
Social Representations

Starting a Relationship
E-mail Flirting
Internet Dating
Lonely Hearts Columns
Speed Dating
Dark Dating
Silent Dating
Supermarket Check-outs
Other Methods of Dating

Ending a Relationship
The Causes of Relationship Breakdown
Patterns of Relationship Breakdown
Effects of Relationship Termination

Relationships around the World
Tibetan Polyandry
Matrilineal Societies
Milk Siblings
Closely Defined Relationships
Keeping It in the Family
Arranged Marriages
Trobriand Pregnancies
Differences within the Western World
Extra-Marital Sex

Glossary

 
Author: Mark Mason
Format: 64 pages, pb
Published: 01/04/2004
Price: £3.99
ISBN-10 & ISBN-13:
1-903096-67-7
978-1-903096-67-3
  
About the author
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Table of contents
  
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